


Feelings

by KSForever



Category: NCIS
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Underlying gay relationship; Diane as their 'Beard'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-18
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-11-02 06:50:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10939218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KSForever/pseuds/KSForever
Summary: Tobias needs Jethro. Jethro & Tobias belong together.





	Feelings

Feelings

“I don’t blame you, Jethro.” Tobias noted. “I’m sorry for what Emily said.”

“She’s right.” Jethro replied. “I knew that phone line didn’t sound right. I thought Diane was going through a tunnel – something like that! I should have known better!”

Jethro had lent forward in the armchair in which he sat, awkwardly. So, Tobias, also, sat forward, in his own chair. They were in Diane’s house. So, was the chair really ‘his’? He wondered. “Emily is having a really bad time, true, but none of that is your fault, Jethro. It could just as easily been someone from my work who killed Diane. I have to protect Emily. That’s why I’m thinking of retiring, but it may already be too late to make that decision. Will my enemies leave us alone, if I retire? I don’t know!”

“Tobias, we won’t let you down again, I swear!” Jethro answered.

“I’ve just told you, you didn’t!” Tobias replied.

They sat there, drinking whiskey.

Tobias suddenly spoke up again. “I’m also sorry for all that other stuff Emily said…”

“That we’re like a married couple – That Diane wouldn’t approve – that she’d think you only married her to get close to me.” Jethro’s words spilled out. “And, we’re not that bothered that Diane’s dead, because it clears the way for us.”

“That I insulted Diane, by making her my ‘beard’…” Tobias pondered. Drunk, he continued. “It was never that clear cut, or that simple. I did love her then, and even more, the second time around. I still do. I still would, if she were here – but she’s not, and I don’t know if I can live a Monk’s existence for however long I outlive her.”

“I know.” Jethro held his whiskey glass, in both hands, between his knees.

“I want to be happy.” Tobias admitted. “If my happiness causes Emily any more pain though, I won’t cope. I don’t think I could even cope if my mother in law hated me. Let alone what Diane’s thinking, up there on her cloud.”

“You’re not the bad guy here.” Jethro looked up. “She’d be beating me up, if she could be here. Not you.” He paused. “It was me who got a bit close to you just then.” He mentioned an earlier moment, here in front of the fireplace, this evening. “It was me who kept coming around to make sure you and Emily are well.”

Tobias tiredly grinned. “We both know she was ferocious, but I don’t know if she’d still be yelling at you. She’s always known that feelings aren’t simple, and she’s always known more about us than we have – yet, she came back to me. She made the decision – and Diane wasn’t a weak woman.”

“No. She certainly was not!” Jethro agreed.

“It’s just that I’m worried for Emily. She’d just started to believe that me and her Mom weren’t going to split up again – just begun to trust in those words of wisdom you told her when she first found out me and her Mom were gonna give it another go.” He paused. “It’s not that you’ve broken Emily’s trust. You haven’t. It’s just part of her grief, I promise you.” Tobias wiped away a few sudden tears. “I think I’m going to have to send her to an AA ‘Drying Out’ rehab place. I found a stash of Vodka, and some Alcopop type things the other day – And, now I’m sure about it, I don’t think it was a one off. Far from it. I’m so angry with myself I’ve been putting off my own grief to help her deal with hers – and, yet, I’ve still been too blind to immediately see the signs. What if I’ve let it go too far already? There was a twin fear in Tobias’ subconscious.

“Concentrate on Emily, but denying your own grief won’t work for you, Tobias.” Jethro knew that he was espousing a case of ‘do as I say, not as I do’.

Tobias knew it too.

\---

Some months later, Jethro received a letter from Emily, as part of her twelve steps program. She apologised, though Jethro was of the opinion she didn’t have anything to apologise for. She also said she wanted her Dad to be happy. Jethro thought how this might mean she was sort of okay about him and Tobias, but even if she was, he doubted that meant she wanted hers, or her mother’s, nose rubbed in finding out, for sure, about a relationship between the two. No one could blame her, especially not if Jethro was always at her Mom’s house, and that’s how she got told about it outright.

A few days later, Tobias came to see Jethro.

They stood in Jethro’s basement, talking. 

Tobias said he and Emily were inviting Jethro to share a Take-Away with them, at their home.

Jethro turned around from his latest carpentry project. Before he could say anything, Tobias had stepped up to him, and was kissing him.

“I’m not that good a person!” Tobias murmured. “I need this.” He kissed Jethro again. “If you’re a Selfish Bastard, then, I am, too. I need some personal happiness.”

“You mean sex?” Jethro asked, kissing Tobias throat.

“Happiness, too. I need more than just the kind of happiness my family members give me. Their happiness and health should be more than enough - I’m a truly bad man.”

“No!” Jethro insisted. “You are not. I’ll be here for you, my friend. I will. If you need this, then, this you can have. I won’t step over the so called mark any further than you dictate to me.”

Tobias grinned. “If only you had the same attitude when we’re at work together!”

Jethro clenched Tobias to him, and smiled, not un-affectionately. “In that respect, you’re out of luck!”

It was not too much longer before the men were fucking – up against the work bench, rutting and thrusting. It began with Jethro in Tobias, but before they ‘finished’ that would probably change.

Tobias tried to relax; tried to let go of his pain – tried not to think about Diane and the family hating him and Jethro. He felt weak, whether he or Jethro was on top – it didn’t matter. Yet, he also felt much stronger from being with Jethro. He needed this happiness. He knew that much, for sure.

The End..? 28.3.15


End file.
